I loved the title of the thread and thought man this guy has found his own way of dealing with the endless crap he has faced over so many years.

Then I read your post.

Its me that has finally realised what you are trying to tell everyone here with little no understanding. We do try you know.

I get it now. You've lost so much and now your spouse, is that enough already? You have lost your mind too.

I've been with my wife for 14 years and all the children we have had together are now gone. With this the spark between us has been shadowed with all this DoCS shit, just like you and wj.

Did you ever think the new you maybe the old you before this crap?

Did you ever think that the new you maybe what brings you and your other half back from this crisis.

you go now and have a new crap life just like everyone else is, and when you come out at the end of it realise the new you was what your spouse needs as soon as you can.

More about me.

Yep that spark has gone between us and we still persist knowing that there is no one else going to put up with each others past. 14 years and we have little tiffs because the stress is upon us.

I am not sure as to all the details of you an WJ and I hope you think twice before posting more here about your spouse in this manner, but I would hate to be either of you in this situation.

I'll try to cut it short as the long reads loses the effect. But you both are tired and you are the stronger one and breaking. Be the stronger one.

I regret the comment by JFA above but like everyone else here JFA is at ends to find the right words, post even to make things work for you.

Man if you could bare the events in your life I would call you a much stronger person than me.

If I had some harden the fuck up cream that would work I would send you some, but my stuff isn't strong enough for your case situation. So it is all up to you from here as you are the driver.

My wife and I say things we never mean when stuff gets the better of us and when we settle down we by default we both realise that it is just DoCS or some other bullshit.

Two people don't stay together for 14 years believing angry words and if this advice works for us, I'm sure it would work for you.

I will admit your time has not been easier than mine but hang on do you want a reason for things to fail?

How about the new you starting today being the reason for your life to get better your spouse sees this and then strangely becomes attracted to this new you. Then you wake up from this nightmare and start to take advantage of the positive effects the new you brings to both you your children and your spouse.

If the new you falls then get the fuck back up and try again. Realise where you went wrong, celebrate it, and learn. Too many people out there cant see their own faults.

If you think it is over then so be it, I wont push you guys into destroying each other however it seems you still want to try.

The spark can take months or even years to come back.

But if you are at risk of hurting each other take a break and never say never because you never know what the new you will bring about.