I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:<br /><br /> (1) I do physical labor.<br /> (2) I work at great depths.<br /> (3) I plunge head first into everything I do.<br /> (4) I do not get weekends off or public holidays.<br /> (5) I work in a damp environment.<br /> (6) I don't get paid overtime.<br /> (7) I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.<br /> (8) I work in high temperatures.<br /> (9) My work exposes me to contagious diseases.<br /> ______________________________________________<br /><br />Dear Penis,<br />After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, management rejects your request for the following reasons:<br /><br /> 1. You do not work 8 hours straight.<br /> 2. You fall asleep on the job after brief work periods.<br /> 3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.<br /> 4. You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas.<br /> 5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.<br /> 6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.<br /> 7. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.<br /> 8. You'll retire well before reaching 65.<br /> 9. You're unable to work double shifts.<br /> 10. You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.<br /> 11. And as if that was all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.<br /><br /> Sincerely,<br /> The management