As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:<br />-Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family.<br />-A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms.<br />-Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.<br />-For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.<br />-For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie<br />chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.<br />-Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover.<br />-Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.<br />-Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.<br />-Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night.<br />-We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.<br />-No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent.<br />-For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex.<br />-For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.<br />-Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vagetables, salads, quiche.<br />-7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings.<br />-Great Dames for sale.<br />-Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.<br />-Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.<br />-20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year.<br />-Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.<br />-Vacation Special: have your home exterminated.<br />-If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin.<br />-Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in.<br />-The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities.<br />-Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.<br />-Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.<br />-Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else.<br />-Stock up and save. Limit: one.<br />-Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it.<br />-We build bodies that last a lifetime.<br />-Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last .<br />-This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens.<br />-For Sale - Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.<br />-For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.<br />-Man, honest. Will take anything.<br />-Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required.<br />-Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.<br />-Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.<br />-Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!<br />-Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.<br />-Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play.<br />-Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.<br />-Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.<br />-3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred.<br />-Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.<br />-Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.<br />-Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.<br />-See ladies blouses. 50% off!<br />-Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204.<br />-Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.<br />-Illiterate? Write today for free help.<br />-Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.<br />-Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.<br />-Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.<br />-Mother's helper--peasant working conditions.<br />-Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.<br />-And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.<br />-We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.