Understanding men from a woman's point of view<br /><br />1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?<br />(Because they are plugged into a genius.)<br /><br />2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING FOREPLAY?<br />(They don't have enough time.)<br /><br />3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?<br />(They don't stop to ask directions.)<br /><br />4. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?<br />(Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.)<br /><br />5. WHY DON'T WOMEN HAVE MEN'S BRAINS?<br />(Because they don't have penises to put them in.)<br /><br />6. WHAT DO ELECTRIC TRAINS AND BREASTS HAVE IN COMMON?<br />(They're intended for children, but men usually play with them.)<br /><br />7. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?<br />(Because their balls fall over their assholes and they vapour lock.)<br />(You're laughing now, aren't you?)<br /><br />8. WHY DO MEN MASTURBATE?<br />(It's sex with someone they love.)<br /><br />9. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?<br />(So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.)<br /><br />10. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?<br />(You need a rough draft before you make a final copy.)<br /><br />11. WHY IS A MAN'S PEE YELLOW AND HIS SPERM WHITE?<br />(So he can tell if he's coming or going.)<br /><br />12. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?<br />(I don't know, it's never happened.)<br /><br />=====<br /><br />Girls are panting for more<br /><br />WOMEN have declared Marks & Spencer's new bulge-enhancing wonderpants for men a truly swell idea.<br /><br />Yesterday we told how the company had developed the upfront undies, called Urban Survivor, to do for men's tackle what the Wonderbra has done for<br />women's boobs.<br /><br />To find out what effect the £8 not-so-smalls would have on the ladies, we sent model Jeremy Frisbee out on a ?package tour of London's streets.<br />Receptionist Michelle Peak, 24, of Beckenham, Kent, said: "The pants are great. I am shocked that they can do that for a man. I couldn't take my<br />eyes off his bulge."<br /><br />Who says size doesn't matter?<br /><br />=====<br /><br />A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr. Jenkins, who was about to be cremated, he discovered the longest private part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry, Mr. Jenkins," said the mortician, "But I can't send you off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this. It has to be saved for posterity."<br />With that the coroner used his tools to remove the dead man's privates. The coroner stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed was his wife. "I have something to show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened his briefcase.<br />"Oh, my God!" she screamed, " Jenkins is dead!"<br /><br />=====<br /><br />A bum, who obviously has seen more than his share of hard times, approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy, can you spare two<br />dollars?"<br /><br />The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend it on liquor are you?" "No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.<br /><br />"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman. "No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.<br /><br />"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man. "Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."<br /><br />The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"<br /><br />"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf."