Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman.
Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman,

"I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a cheque."

"Oh, by the way don't worry about my dog Spike. He won't bother you.
But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!"

"I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"

When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking dog he has ever seen.

But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.

The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling.

Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!"


To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"

-------------

And then ...

There was the burglar who broke into a house. He was going about his business, throwing the silver, tv, video etc into his bag, when he heard a voice say

"Jesus is watching you"

That made him pause and look around.

Not seeing anyone, he returned to bagging the loot.

"Jesus is watching you"

The burglar decided he should look around to see who was speaking to him.

In the family room a parrot was sitting on a perch

"Jesus is watching you"

the parrot said.

"Well, aren't you a pretty boy then, what's your name?"

"Ecclesiastes"

replied the parrot.

"That's a really strange name for a parrot, which idiot named you that?"

"Same idiot who named the rottweiler 'Jesus'"

replied the parrot.